Dreams of Paradise
by LeleD2010
Summary: He was such an incredible actor, that you should've known he was lying when he said he wouldn't leave. And now, right when you have started to forget him, when you started to believe you don't need him, he's back again. Beck
1. Chapter 1

OK. So lets clarify that this fic, specially this chapter, is inspired and edited from a fic called "_Lover Dearest_," written by _sandy2x400_. She's amazingly talented and after I messaged her about it, she said I could write out my version of it. Check out her stories, seriously. The rest of the fic, however, is all me. But this chapter was absolutely flawless the way she wrote it.

On with the fic…

"_**So you try to fake a smile, you don't wanna break my heart. I can see that you're afraid, but baby it's too late, 'cause I'm already dying**__." _Don't You Forget About Me_- Enrique Iglesias_.

**..+..**

"Say you love me."

Beck looks at you, his wide brown eyes full of surprise, before lightly smiling and shaking his head. He pulls you close, placing a soft kiss on your forehead. You want to whimper against him, but instead snuggle into his warm body. "I'll come back at the end of summer, Jade. I promise." He says the last part mockingly. He looks so beautiful in this moment – his short, wavy hair is lost under his knit cap but the wind is blowing against his loose clothes, highlighting his growing muscles.

You smile at him and he scrunches his nose at you. You open your mouth to say something else, but you are suddenly interrupted. "Beck! You still here?" You feel him move away from you, his body facing towards the door as he hollers back to the newcomers. Another voice comes into mix as well. "Oliver! Come out and welcome us!" Ryder and Danny, you realize, and a smile forms on your lips. You watch Beck go back inside, moving towards the front of the house. You stay on the porch for a couple minutes before following. The three best friends are already horsing around. No one would believe they're teenagers on the brink of adulthood, but instead small children on the first day of preschool. "What? You think you're gonna become a world class actor or somethin', Beck?" Ryder mocks, pulling him into a headlock.

Beck laughs while escaping his grip. "It's just a summer course, guys. I'm not leaving forever." He reminds them, but his eyes aren't shinning, and there's no security in them. Shaking it off, he reaches for you. Bringing you close to his chest, you inhale his sweet scent. "So, my last night in town. What are we gonna do?" he asks, biting his lip. Light shines in his eyes again

You watch as Ryder and Danny smile, a wicked glint in their eyes that you know means nothing good, and suddenly they are pulling both you and Beck out of the door. Thirty minutes later, you find yourself in Ryder's basement, snuggled up into Beck's body as Danny pulls out half a bottle of his parents' vodka. Less than thirty minutes after that, you are giggling uncontrollably as Ryder and Danny exaggeratedly act out a scene from Titanic, it's full intent to playfully mock Beck's chosen career. Beck is softly kissing your cheek and hugging you way too tightly, and you suddenly feel an overwhelming need to cry.

"Say you love me." You whisper in his ear as he slips an arm behind your back to bring you closer to him. A frown forms on his handsome face and he pulls you in for a kiss. You close your eyes at the softness of his lips, the sweetness of his breath, and the kindness of his kiss. He squeezes your hip gently.

"I love you." is his firm response against your lips.

You nod into the kiss, and he smiles at the awkwardness since he was still kissing you. "Let's go upstairs?" you ask nervously, hesitation brimming in your mind. He breaks away and looks at you with an almost innocent expression present on his face.

"Why?" he leans his head against the sofa, but his eyes never leave yours. Ignoring the loud laughter from the other two boys, your teenage heart makes the environment feel almost romantic. You've grown up with Beck – this boy who is so unbelievably talented with a guitar and with a gaze that could melt hearts, the words he speaks (even the lies), so convincing. He looks so naively cute and bright in a world that can be so dark, that it makes your heart go fluttering. He is your boy. He has always been your boy, and now you are both sixteen, and you just want him to know you love him before he leaves. Because you still aren't sure he's coming back.

And maybe this will make him stay.

So you grab his hand and lead him upstairs, ignoring the catcalls from Ryder and Danny, and give him everything you can possibly give, because he deserves it and he loves you and he _has_ to come back when he's done with Hollywood Arts. "Say you love me." You whisper into his naked shoulder much later, your teeth grazing his tan skin. He freezes and kisses you again. The kiss is desperate and absolutely breath-taking and painful and harsh. He pushes you into the bed forcibly, but not altogether that roughly. When he breaks the kiss, his eyes are glazed.

"I love you." he repeats. You feel warm and he is heavy on top of you, and the world is spinning. For a second, you feel like screaming.

"Promise me you'll come back."

"I will come back." He says over you, his dark eyes determined. "I don't know why you think I won't." he whispers, squirming a bit. You look at him, your sad eyes never leaving his features. Honestly, you think to yourself, that's a good question. Why do you feel like he's not coming back? He has to finish high school, doesn't he? He has friends here – best friends even – doesn't he? He has you, doesn't he? Yes, yes, and definitely yes.

But at the same time, you remember seeing the same look in your father's eyes last year when he left: the one that says – screams – LET ME OUT OF THIS FUCKING TOWN.

And here he is- getting out town, going to a prestigious performing arts school where who knows what can happen. "Don't forget, okay?" you tell him fiercely, wanting him to promise he'll return.

Beck smiles and shakes his head, the long strands falling over his eyes. "I'll never forget." He whispers into your skin. "Ever." He promises even more.

"_Say you love me_."

**..+..**

And this is where my readers say: "Why is the chick starting a new fic without updating any of the old ones…"

So, I'm gonna update the rest of my fics soon, promise!

Basically, this one is an AU, and anyone not mentioned isn't part of the story yet, (but I'll start bringing them all in next chapter) and don't know Beck and Jade. They're not living in LA, but in New Jersey. Danny and Ryder are best friends with them, and they all grew up together. Beck got a chance to take classes in Hollywood Arts for the summer, and this is the night before he leaves for LA.

If you leave a review, I'll update at the latest by Thursday night!

-Lele


	2. Chapter 2

"_**If home is where the heart is then we're all just fucked." 27- Fall Out Boy**_

**Beck**

**Four Years, six months and two days later.**

-.-.-.-.-

When you hear that your older brother's getting married, a sinking feeling starts setting in your gut. It's not that you're not happy for him, really, you are; it's more of the fact that you just _know_ that a trip back home is inevitable. You'd thought that maybe you could get out of it by sending your best regards and an extravagant wedding gift, but apparently, your mother deemed that insufficient. Claims of "Family comes first, Beck," and "he's your brother, Beck," constantly thrown at your face by her.

Yeah, because you two are _so_ close.

"Why do I have to go? I really do not want to go," you complain to Cat Valentine. She's a tiny slip of a girl, with hair dyed to look like red velvet and wide brown eyes. While ditzy, she's loyal and probably the sweetest person you know. She also had a tendency to say everything that crossed her mind, even when those thoughts weren't exactly flattering regarding her perception of you and your actions. She was one of your first friends at Hollywood Arts, and she'd run lines with you back when she still wanted to be a singer and actress.

Time, and the blunt edge of reality, had led her to reconsider careers and become a stylist instead. While she was unbelievably talented, her personality simply couldn't handle the price of stardom. The constant judgments and the realization that ''everyone's a critic'' really wasn't an exaggeration had knocked those dreams right out of her. Ever since then, you'd been working with her and she never failed to keep you in every "Best Dressed" list in existence.

Honestly, you considered her more as family than you did your real brother.

"But he's your brother, Beck, you have to go," she contradicts. Her wide eyes get filled sadness at your lack of enthusiasm and there's something in them that's so familiar that it makes you want to explain all your motives. You don't, obviously, because you're _you_, and really, what are you supposed to say?

"I mean, I know it's not your favorite place but it's only for a few days and then you'll be right back here," she tries to comfort and prompt you. You turn your head away from her, and your eyes land on a girl sitting a couple of tables away from you in the over-priced restaurant. She's facing away from you, an opened book and a cup of coffee in front of her, but that's not what captures your attention. Instead, it's the wavy, caramel-colored locks that cascade down her back, and the pale skin that peeks out from gloveless hands.

You tear your gaze away because, really, what are you doing staring at some girl in the middle of a restaurant just because she sort of looks like one of your ex-girlfriends.

"It's not just that, is it?" Cat questions you, and you raise your eyes to meet her knowing gaze. It's moments like these when you wonder if she's really as naïve as she seems, or if maybe she's wiser and more perceptive than any of you give her credit for.

You shake your head and sit up in your seat, fighting the urge to bang your head against the table like a small child instead. "No," you answer, and you don't know why you're admitting this to her but it probably has something to do with your conscious wanting to know someone understands why you did what you did. Plus, she _Cat_, and she's your friend and she _has_ to side with you. "I just… I hurt a lot of people when I left, and I never thought I'd ever have to go back," you explain with a shrug.

"That's okay, I mean, it was your dream. I'm sure they understand why you had to leave," she tries to comfort you, and her tone is full of understanding and _this_ is why she's one of your best friends. She doesn't try to excuse your behavior, but won't judge you for it either. "Do you think they'll be at the wedding?"

You stop to think about it before deciding that they probably won't be there. Yeah, but then you remember you lived in a small town where everyone knew each other and everyone went to everything. Still, there was no point in jinxing yourself. "No, I mean, Joe never liked my friends, and I highly doubt he stayed in contact with my ex. They weren't even really friends when I was there."

"Ah," she says, and you can just see all the ideas running through her head. "There's a girl." She seems satisfied with her discovery and you freeze and try to deny it, but she shakes you off before you can even really get started. "Nope, I don't believe you. _Of course _there was a girl."

"It doesn't matter. I just want to do everything possible to avoid confrontation." You grab the now-cold bagel you've been eating for the past hour, before dropping it back on the plate. She watches you, expectation obvious on her face as she waits for you to explain what's so special about this girl that the mighty Beck Oliver is dreading the idea of seeing her again. Her eyes brows rise in questioning at you, and you simply sigh and admit defeat.

"We we're sixteen years old. I wrote my first short film about her, you know? Maybe she was my soul mate, or maybe she was just another girl. I don't know, I didn't stay to find out." You look away again, and notice that the familiar looking girl in now gone. Your gaze travels to the window facing the always heavy LA traffic, and you count how many cars pass by before Cat speaks again.

"Everybody believes that the people we love when we're young, sixteen, don't mean anything. They think it's a joke or a passing whim or just us being stubborn- that we don't know what love is yet. But the truth is that love at sixteen is the most passionate and I don't think anyone who's ever been in love can disagree. Everything's new, everything can feel so much greater that it actually is, like, this ball of energy that consumes you. It's too much, yet, not enough at the same time. It's beautiful, really…" she trails off, and you know she's not here with you anymore, but in a memory of her own. You stare at her and when she catches you a smile forms on her lips, a tint of a blush creeping up and tainting her cheeks. "You broke her heart, Beck, but that's in the past. If she loved you, she'll understand why you left and I highly doubt she's still angry after so many years."

She grabs her cup of hot chocolate and starts taking a sip when a sardonic and self-depreciating laughter makes its way up your throat. "I took her virginity the night before I left."

She chokes on her drink and starts coughing uncontrollably. It takes her a minute to catch her breath, but when she does, her eyes shoot up at you with an accusatory glare. "You douche!"

You cringe, because this is Cat and that's probably the most offensive term she's ever called anybody in her life. "I know… which is also why I really want to stay away from her."

She sighs, and picks up her fork to nibble on the slice of apple pie she'd ordered. "You've been able to handle premieres and events full of crazy fans that want to kidnap you, not to mention all the critics and reporters following your every move. I think you'll be okay with an ex-girlfriend you may or may not see. Now, go home, finish packing your bags, get on the plane, go to your brother's wedding and then come back here. You'll be back by Sunday night. Simple."

You glare at her, because it's obviously not that simple, not that she'll ever really understand. Conversation drops between you after that, mostly because you're running against time and should be home packing instead of here eating lunch. You pay the bill and walk her to her car, nodding at the paparazzi who snap pictures of you and your 'mystery date'.

When you're at home alone, away from friends who are way too perceptive for their own good, you allow your mind to think about _her_ for the first time in years. You wonder if her eyes still sparkle and change colors depending on her moods, and if they still have that touch of innocence and playfulness in them. You think about her smile, and how wide and beautiful it used to be. You shake your head and thoughts of her out of it. It would be stupid and naïve of you to think she doesn't remember you…

With all the press and coverage you've received since before you even graduated from Hollywood Arts, it'd surprise you if there was anybody who didn't know who you are.

That's not arrogant.

Really.

Your phone starts ringing and you answer it once you notice it's your mother calling. She's yelling at you for not being in New Jersey yet, and informing you that Andre has your ticket and will be waiting for you at the airport in ten minutes. You hang up, properly scolded, and grab your bags as you make your way out the door and towards your past.

-.-.-.-.-

Andre Harris is the first friend you made in Hollywood Arts. He was your same age but had been in the scene since before he was even a teenager. He showed you the ropes and where to go for auditions and always gave you a hand with anything you needed.

He wasn't interested in acting; instead, music owned his soul. Talented in a way no one you'd ever met before had ever been, his voice and personality made girls swoon. You liked to tease him and call him a musical prodigy, and he'd laugh and shake it off, but you both knew you weren't too far from the truth. He's your best friend, along with Cat. However, where she's sweet and sisterly and full of good advice, Andre is her contrast. His solutions to just about everything conclude in partying all night or taking impromptu trips your manager has completely banned.

Not that you'll ever let that stop you.

"Hey man, Momma Oliver swore she'd disowned me if I didn't give you the ticket and made sure you got on the plane." Andre says while standing outside one of the waiting areas of LAX. You take the envelope from him roughly, making it obvious how unentertained you are by their tactics. "Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Why are you going back to New Jersey anyways?"

"Brother's getting married."

"Ah, okay. Want me to come with? You know you won't get a better offer than me," he smirks and you push his shoulder as he tries to hug you to prove his point. People around you stare and he only laughs while you try to hide your own grin at the situation. This is what you like about him; he never takes life too seriously, or lets you do so for the matter.

"No, I'm fine. Go home and sleep. Don't party too hard, and don't let my manager find out you were here if you don't want to wake up to find a murdered in your home." You smile and pat him on the back as goodbye.

"Don't you find it weird how your parents love me as if I was their third child, but your manager hates my guts? Go. Fulfill your duties as a baby brother and come back to us. But come back Beck, okay? I need you here, Beckett!" He adds dramatically and you push him away as you pick up your bags and continue walking towards the airports entrance. "_Say you love me!"_

You cringe, but don't let it show. Instead, you smile and wave goodbye to him as he walks back to his car and laughs the entire way.

It's from your film, you remind yourself. You wrote it, and it was the catchphrase, and if you didn't want anybody to ever mention it back to you again, then you shouldn't have ever written it.

Plus, Andre will always make fun of you with the phrase. It was your first screenplay and short film, and it killed you when it went viral. It was your story, _her_ story, and it was only supposed to be a class project but somehow it had skyrocket you to success. Everyone wanted to know how the seventeen year-old boy knew how to express so many emotions so beautifully, and how were you supposed to explain that you knew what to write and what she felt because she had always told you everything.

Your film was everywhere, and soon after that, so were you.

She'd worn her heart on her sleeve for you, and you'd used that as the key to reach your dreams.

An hour later, you're on the plane. First class, thankfully (not to be arrogant. Really.) You order a glass of their strongest drink and sit back while your mind decides to play tricks and starts to taunt you. Dates run through your mind you take a few minutes to sort them all out.

The last time you saw her was in July, back when you had promised her you'd only be gone for six weeks. In reality, it's been four years and six months, give or take a few days (two). It's January and the year just started, but you can't help the feeling that warns you something's wrong. It's not fear, you tell yourself. You're fearless, or so your acting teacher had claimed during a challenge, so that can't be it. So what is it? Maybe it's that you feel guilty over the way you left, but really, you got your dream; the life you always wanted.

And there was no way in hell you'd ever trade it to stay in that stupid town in the middle of nowhere, Jersey.

Your phone vibrates, bringing you out of your thoughts. It's Cat messaging you and she wants to know how your flights going and making sure you actually got on the plane in the first place.

Instead of answering her question, you direct message her _**I'm so screwed**_ and wait for her to reply. You lean your head back and close your eyes as you wait for your phone to receive her response. Finally, after what seems like an eternity of waiting, it does.

_**Why?**_

You sigh and take a deep breath, confessing something almost no one knows. _**When I left, I couldn't face them. When I was supposed to come back, I just sent home a letter saying so. No explanations or motives, all it said was sorry. They were my best friends, my girlfriend, my family. I left them all, and I don't want to see them,**_ you message her. She answers back, just like always does, no more than a few seconds later. It was simple, and straight to the point and had the Cat Valentine stamp all over it, except that it was harsh, specially coming from her, and you don't think she meant for it to hurt you as much as it did.

_**You're a coward, Beck Oliver. **_

-.-.-.-.-

**AN: Hey lovely people!**

**So, I kind of fell asleep last night, but here's the next update, as promised. **

**What do you guys think so far? Let me know in your review =) **

**Working on another update, let me know if you want Moonlight Mile or Waking Up in Vegas updated first!**

**Next chapter up at the 20ish mark!**

**-Lele**


	3. Chapter 3

"And let's pretend like they called me the greatest, selling out arenas with big ass stages. And everybody loved me and no one ever hated, let's try to use imagination." Airplanes Part II- B.O.B

-.-.-.-.-

"Can you hurry it up?"

You raise your gaze to meet your brother's, a scowl firmly planted on your face. "We'll 'hey bro' to you too," you answer, sarcasm dripping off your tone.

He's picking you up from the airport, and looks as excited to see you as you are to see him. You haven't seen him since you left home, and even then, your relationship wasn't the best.

Joseph was the Pride and Joy of the family (your father). Four years older than you, and the Golden Boy of your town. He was the star athlete with the amazing GPA who somehow found the time to do community work and act like a humanitarian in the making. His career goals were business and law, and he was more than content to stay in New Jersey for the rest of his life. He was the perfect son.

Then there was _you_.

You, with the barely passing grades. You, with only two best friends and a girlfriend to count on. You, with dreams of stardom.

You, who couldn't wait to get out of this town.

So when you did leave, he didn't follow. He was twenty and in college and decided he didn't care enough to move to California with you, even after your parents did.

"Yeah, whatever," he answers and turns around to walk away, giving you the silent cue to follow.

You do as instructed, and stop when you reach his car. It's the same old truck he had in college, with the faded red paint job and the dented bumper from when you sneaked out and took it for a joy ride when you were fifteen and had just earned your driver's permit. Ryder and Danny had spent the entire time goofing off and you got distracted and ran into a pair of dumpsters. The same truck you were supposed to get once you graduated from high school.

"You still have this?" you say, motioning to the truck and thinking about the shiny black Mercedes Benz in your driveway. The one parked next to the classic Falcon you bought on a whim because you just _had_ to have it, and the Harley Davidson on the other side.

"Well, I actually have to work hard for what I want. I didn't run off to be a superstar, and I'm careful with what I spend. So _yes_, I _still_ have this," he snaps back and you glare at the back of his head before getting into the truck's cabin. After you buckle yourself in, you shove your hands inside your leather jacket and try as hard as you can to pretend the weather isn't affecting you. It can't be more than twenty five degrees and your body's grown accustomed to the warm and sunny California weather.

Another reason you can't wait to leave.

"Look, I know you're pissed I left, but I did. I got my dream, can't you just be happy for me?" you ask him and sigh when he doesn't answer. You gaze travels towards the streets you pass by, recognizing the places you used to spend your afternoons in. The longer he drives, the more suburban your surroundings get and the more you feel like jumping out the truck and running all the way back to the airport. Maybe you can book a flight to the Caribbean or some remote island in the middle of nowhere where your mother can't find you until well after the wedding has passed.

"You still don't get it, do you? I'm not angry you left, I'm angry over how you did it. Didn't you think of anybody but yourself?" he finally answers, breaking you out of your thoughts. You turn your head to look at him and notice the way his grip has tighten on the steering wheel and his eyes stay completely narrowed and focused on the snow-covered road.

"I asked you to come live in Los Angeles, you know you could've stayed with us there. You were the one who decided you wanted to stay here."

"This is my home and I wasn't going to leave it. I love this town as much as you hate it, and it's not me I'm talking about, Beck."

He's talking about your friends. You know he is, and you don't want to go there. Still, his wedding's on Sunday and you should at least try to be cordial before everyone realizes the only reason you're even back in town is because of your mother's threats. "I'm not sorry I left, but I am sorry about the way I did. I should have said goodbye properly, but I didn't, and there's nothing I can do about it anymore," you confess. It's not an apology, but your voice is a soft whisper and he knows you mean it.

"You have no idea how much you hurt that girl."

Your body freezes at the mention of her and the realization that you might be seeing her again soon, but relaxes when you remember her personality. "That's not true. She was the strongest person I knew. What was I supposed to do? Stay here the rest of my life with the girl I dated when I was sixteen?" You cross your arms and shut your eyes to fight off the wave of guilt that's crawling at your skin. "I'm sorry I hurt you," you add sincerely.

His lips form into a tight line, and a look crosses his eyes that makes him seem older than the twenty five he actually has. "It's not me you owe an apology to."

-.-.-.-.-

After college (and once you all left), Joe moved back into your family home, and so did his girlfriend.

Her name is Grace, and she has pin-straight blonde hair and bright brown eyes. You're not sure why, but something about how wide and sincere her smile is reminds you of Cat.

"Hello." You say politely, but you're already looking at the stairs, littered with toys and clothes, and then at the walls that have frames and pictures of you, of her, of random people, of a little girl.

Grace holds onto your arm as you try to continue your path up the stairs. "Come into the kitchen for a few minutes, I made my mother's special pie to welcome you all back home." You nod and do as you're told, for once not wanting to start an unnecessary fight. You head down the stairs and can't help but wonder if it's still the same as when you left. It is. Hell, it even smells like it used to. Sure enough, when you enter the dining room, it looks exactly how your mother left it almost five years ago.

It feels so fucking awkward being in this house again.

It makes your skin crawl, and you feel like throwing up, and it's suffocating you. "Wow, thank you." you manage to say, your voice hoarse. She smiles and nods, obviously proud of herself for actually talking to you. "So..." brother says, clearing his throat. He's still angry about the splat you had in the car. Swallowing hard, you look at him questioningly, still pretty pissed yourself.

(Is it so wrong that you went off to follow your dreams? Is that so wrong?)

"So." You repeat, tapping your fingers on a chair. "Do you have something else to tell me?" you snap, tired of his constantly accusing glares.

"Both of you, down!" Grace says, coming back into the dining room with the food and sensing the impending argument between you two. You take the heavy tray from her, setting it down on the table. She smiles and thanks you, and you cannot help but think that she's only two years older than you. Who gets married so young? Who wants to settle down in a small town and start a family already? But you obey her and sit down, taking off your jacket and hanging it from the chair. Joe sits at the head of the table, and Grace sits across from you. "So, wow. You know when your brother told me who his little brother was, I couldn't really believe it for a while. You're quite famous." She tells you with a wink, her smile friendly.

You laugh uncomfortably. "Yeah..."

"Do you know when my parents will be back?" Your brother asks her gruffly.

"Oh, they went out to check the restaurant for tomorrow's rehearsal. I offered to go with them, but they said I should stay here to meet both of you. And make sure you don't strangle each other," she adds with a giggle before turning her attention back to you. "Weren't you at some award shows just a few days ago? It must be surreal to be back home now." You all fall silent when your fork drops on your still-full plate, and they both stare at you as if you've lost your mind.

"I need to go." The words come out like one big word, and you almost trip getting out of your chair.

"Beck!" your brother calls out, surprised.

You grab your jacket forcibly, already heading towards the exit. Grace looks up alarmed and you know she thinks she offended you somehow. "I'm sorry. I just...have to go. Sorry." You spit out, and your eyes are blurry. You feel disoriented. You don't even realize you are outside until the sound of the door slamming reaches your ears.

And then, you're running.

Running and running, until you're at the old playground you used to go to when you were fifteen. The slides are now full of graffiti and the swing is broken, but it still has that calming effect it used to have. For about a minute, before suddenly, the sounds of your parents fighting come to your ears, the sounds of a fifteen year old Ryder retching after drinking a whole bottle of Vodka when his parents died follow. The images of you at your lowest, the images of your friends at their lowest, the images of her at her best. You fall onto the rough snow covered grass near the swings and just breathe.

Pulling out your cell phone, you fall backwards so that you are lying down and you feel the coldness of the snow anchoring you to the floor. "I can't be here." You say when the ringing stops.

You hear a sigh. "Beck-"

"No, Cat. I really can't be here. This place is Hell, and I hate it. I always hated it. There's nothing here, and all I can hear is my parents arguing all the time. I was never good enough for anybody here, except for three people. Only them. I never measured up or was up to standard for anybody else. They called me a failure, they all thought I was gonna be stuck here working a mediocre job for the rest of my life. Every single day of my life they taunted me and laughed at all my dreams. So I left. I left, and I made something of myself. I got the life I wanted, the one they were all too afraid to go after. Yes, I hurt them, but why did I have to stay for them? Why was their happiness more important than mine?" You shut up when you feel your lungs running out of oxygen and take a moment to catch your breath.

"Beck." You can practically see the frown on her face. "It's going to be okay, alright?" she says, hesitantly.

You close your eyes and you feel the dampness under your eyelids. "I was in such a bad place, Cat. I hid it well, but...I was not good, okay? I was going out of my mind. I had to leave. I had to." Your hand tightens in your hair. "And I'm sorry if that makes me a whiny teenager. I don't care. I really don't fucking care. Not when I'm back here, and I'm getting bombarded with memories of everyone and everything and nothing has changed. I feel like I should just chuck myself off the nearest bridge when I'm around here."

"Okay, Beck. It's okay. I'm coming there, okay? Unless you want me to just get you a flight back. That's okay too." Your heart breaks at the care in her voice.

"Come here, please?" you ask softly.

"Okay, hon. I will."

For the next hour or so, she talks to you, calms you down, makes you breathe again. And when she hangs up to make her way to the airport, you don't feel as lost and hurt as you did before. You stay on the grass, looking up at the slight stars that are appearing, wiping away at the tear stains you know were left on your face. You didn't notice someone coming onto the playground. You didn't notice someone walking past the slides, the swings and go at your feet. When you do, you look up, expecting your parents. Hell, even Joe, but it was neither of them.

"Hey, Beck."

Oh, look. One of your ex-best friends. Just what you needed.

"Danny," you acknowledge as you stand up from your laying position on the floor.

He looks almost exactly the same as he did the last time you saw him. His short, brown hair is the same, as are his clothes. The typical jacket over the black t-shirt combination you all wore back in high school still intact. In fact, the only difference you can really see in him is the bright, hot pink bracelet that hangs from one of his jean's pockets. You don't point it out though, and wait to see how he'll react t to you.

"I was at the grocery store when I heard you were back in town. I went to look for you at your house but they didn't know where you went. I just kind of figured you'd be here," he shrugs.

You think back to your friendship with him and remember that before Cat, there was Danny. He was your age, but the "sensitive" one of the group. He was the silent friend who always had your back, and never judged. He had a way of always knowing exactly what to say to all of you to cheer you up. He was family.

Yet, you hadn't thought about him in years.

"Yeah, I just needed to clear my mind for a while."

He shifts uncomfortably in front of you and starts taping his fingers against his thumb, just as he used to when you were teenagers and he was nervous or had a secret. He looks at his watch and groans when he notices the time.

"Look, we should catch up or something before you leave, but right now I have to go," he explains. "Just, it's been a long time."

"Yeah, it has," you agree. "I'm just here for the wedding, and I'll be heading back to California on Sunday night." You don't know why, but you feel the need to let him know you're leaving. Maybe it's because you don't want them back, or maybe it's because that's all you want.

"I figured as much, but do me a favor and go talk to Jade before the wedding. She's Grace's Maid of Honor and she doesn't deserve finding out you're back at the last moment."

You feel as if someone just slapped you with a cruel amount of reality. You'd hoped against hope that you wouldn't have to see her, and it turned out she'd be a major part of the wedding. Of course everyone forgot to mention that to you. You shove your hands into your jacket and look away, not wanting to face the knowing gaze Danny's directing at you.

"I don't think that's a good idea," you start, but he quickly interrupts you.

"Neither was you leaving the way you did, but that didn't stop you." His words are neither harsh or offending. They're the truth, and nothing less. Maybe that's why they sting so much.

"You owe it to her. So, for once in your life, man up and go face her so that we have an actual shot at enjoying your brother's wedding without an unhealthy doze of drama."

"Fine," you snap. You feel like you're sixteen and he's telling you to finish your homework so you don't flunk your Physics class again. "I'll go see her now."

He nods and starts making his way back towards the parking area before turning back to you. "Hey Beck, not everything's the same as when you left," he warns with a knowing look. You want to make him explain what he means, but he's gone in a second.

You let out an exasperated sigh before your shoulders slump in defeat and you start walking towards her house.

Time to face reality.

-.-.-.-.-

Her house is similar to yours, but different in a way you've never been able to explain. Maybe it's because her house always felt like Home, the one place where you could be yourself without any expectations. Her father was gone, but her mother never allowed that to stop her.

She'd always be there on the weekends with a smile and motherly advice for all of you. You remember spending mornings talking about your dreams with her when Jade refused to wake up early on Saturdays. Emily West used to make you pancakes and reminisce with you about all your adventures when you were a five year-old kid with curly hair she used to babysit.

You shake your head and the memories out of your mind and make your way up the stairs. Your fingers tremble as you raise your hand to press the doorbell. You do, and are taken aback when you hear an excited shriek from inside the house and the sound of light footsteps running towards you.

The door opens quickly and there, in front of you, stands a little girl with long, black hair and the biggest blue eyes you've ever seen. Her nose is pert and she flashes you an impish smile that reminds you of the way _she_ used to smile at you.

"I won today!" she greets with a broad smile, before titling her head in confusion and adding, "Who are you?"

"Jennifer Marie, what have I told you about opening the door without me?"

You hear her voice before you actually see her. She kneels down besides the little girl who can't be more than four years old and waits for her answer.

"Never alone and never to strangers," the little girl obediently replies. "Mommy, but I've seen him! He was on Uncle Danny's pictures!" she argues back, and you notice when Jade tenses and finally turns her attention to you. Her eyes snap up to your face and you can see the shock that crosses her face when she finally realized you're standing at her door.

Honestly, you're quite proud of yourself for remaining your cool. That is, until your brain registers that the little girl called Jade, "Mommy". The little girl who looked around four called her Mommy. The one with dark wavy hair and pretty, lightly tanned skin.

Suddenly, images of you and Jade the night before you left invade your mind. More importantly, the little fact that since neither of you expected it to happen, you hadn't bothered with protection.

Oh.

-.-.-.-.-

**AN: So, I've been crazy busy these last few days. Thus, my lack of updates. **

**Anyways, tell me what you think of this chapter! **

**I'm too tired to write what I was supposed to and already forgot. So, make sure you review! I keep getting a lot of alerts for this fic but not as many reviews.**

**However, to the wonderful people that DO review, I love you all and you're my fave!**

**Next chapter up at around the 32ish mark?**

**-Lele **


	4. Chapter 4

"_**I'm finding out in the hardest way, the consequence of every mistake I ever made. Baby what's it like to be alone? I don't want to know."**__ Bruised and Scarred- __**Mayday Parade**_

-.-.-.-.-

"What are you doing here?"

The accusation in her voice shakes you out of your thoughts and, more importantly, transfers your attention to the little girl she now has cradled in her arms. You notice the way her grip tightens around the girl when she notices the way your gaze seems to be transfixed on her. She leans her head to rest upon Jade's shoulder and her head tilts upwards, brows furrowing in confusion as she stares at you.

"Who is he, Mommy?"

Her tiny voice speaks up as her lips form into a pout at Jade's obvious discomfort, identical to the ones Jade used to give you so she could get her way at all times. You feel a wave of panic run through you when your brain finally registers that this isn't a joke on you. It's not one of Jade's genius schemes to get revenge on someone who did her wrong. This is really her daughter, and there's a feeling in your gut that screams at you that she's yours too.

You have a daughter.

"I'm Beck," is your response, and you're surprised that you have to fight off the urge to add 'your dad,' when an unexpected and overwhelming swell of possessiveness flourishes in the pit of your stomach.

"He's an old friend, honey. Baby, go play up to your room while I talk to Beck, okay? I promise we can make cupcakes for Aunty Grace once he leaves," Jade lowers Jennifer onto the floor and she nods her agreement. The girl begins to walk away but stops, turning around and skipping back only to halt in front of you. She looks up and her gaze meets yours, the tip of her tongue poking out from the corner of her lips as she studies you, trying to determine whether you're trustworthy or not with the unbiased judgment only a child can give.

Suddenly, her smile broadens and your body tenses when her thin arms wrap around you and you can feel the scuffles from her sparkly purple skirt hit your legs. "It was lovely to meet you," she says before promptly turning around and running up the stairs towards what you suppose is her bedroom. It's there, just like that, exactly the moment in which she steals your heart and wraps you around her little finger.

That's also the exact moment in which the anger comes.

"What are you doing here, Beck?" she repeats once she's sure Jennifer's safe from eavesdropping on your conversation and you finally really look at her since you knocked on her door. Her hair is shorter and darker, hanging just past her shoulders and the highlights she used to sport are now gone. She's dressed in a simple royal blue blouse with dark jeans and her face is free of any traces of the heavy makeup she used to wear. In fact, almost everything about her appearance has changed drastically. She's taller and more filled out in areas you really shouldn't be looking at, at this particular moment.

She's absolutely gorgeous, just like you knew she'd be.

That's not what surprises you most, though. It's her eyes that do so. The insecurities and anger that used to flood them is now gone, replaced by a softness and tenderness that shines through whenever she looks at her daughter. That, and a silent fierceness that lets you know if you're not careful with how you thread, she'll do anything if you so much as hurt her child.

"Can I come inside?" you ask instead of answering her question. You don't wait for her to invite you in though, and make your way into her home before she can refuse your request. You cross her living room, ignoring the sting that travels down your spine when you notice all the picture frames around.

There's pictures of everyone: Ryder, Danny, Hell, even Joe.

Everyone, except you.

You want to scream when you look at the wall by her kitchen and realize the picture frame of you and her is now gone, replaced by one of her, Ryder and Jennifer.

Your hands form into fist around the edges of her kitchen table as you face away from her. You know you should feel panicked at the idea of having a daughter, but all you feel is anger. Anger because she hid her from you. Anger that she took her away from you, took away the family she knew you always wanted. Your conscious tries to rationalize that maybe she did it for you, but your emotions refuse to listen.

Everybody knew, and no one told you.

You feel the betrayal run through you, suffocating you in a way that it makes you feel like your heart will stop beating at any second. Your gut wrenches and you need to throw up. For a second, you wonder if this is what she felt when you left.

You're taking her back with you. Both of them. You don't really give a damn whether she wants to go or not, you just know you're not leaving her and your daughter in this good-for-nothing town. Plus, you're a fucking superstar, and Jade had been in love with you her entire life. There was no way she'd refuse you and deny her daughter the chance to have a family and everything she could ever desire. No one would.

That's not arrogant.

Really.

"Why didn't you tell me?" you ask when you hear her lean her back against the wall. You turn around to face her, wanting her to feel the guilt she should over hiding your daughter from you. Yeah, what you did was bad, but it was nothing in comparison to her actions. You could be excused, but her? Not so much.

"Tell you what?" she answers, and her brows burrow in confusion. She wants to know why you're son angry, and you just know she feels it's unrequited. Like if you're the one with the major explaining to do.

"Why didn't you tell me about Jennifer?"

"Why would I have to tell you about my daughter?" She snaps. "What was I supposed to do, call and tell you I was a having a kid? You didn't really leave a number now, did you?"

You scoff in disbelief. "It never crossed your mind that maybe you should have told me I had a daughter? That I might come back for you and her? Are you really that selfish that you deprived her of a family because of your pride? That immature?" you sneer at her as you move towards her, all the betrayal beating through your veins as you replace your guilt with it.

The sting that her handprint creates on your face doesn't surprise you when the slap lands. You kind of expected it since before it even happen. You notice the way her chest heaves as you ignore the pain in your face. Her face is flush with anger and her slender fingers turn into fists. Then, something peculiar that you know will haunt you forever happens.

Her lips form into a smile and her eyes turn cold.

Slowly, her mouth opens and you would trade everything for her next words to be false.

"She's not yours."

Your heart speeds up and your mind refuses to believe her words. They can't be true. Jennifer can't be more than four years old and no one would have tried to mess around with Jade back then. As much as you hated this stupid town, everyone knew their place. Everyone knew Jade was yours, would always be yours.

Even if you left.

"You're lying," you accuse, and you know she has to be, because she couldn't have done that to you. There's no way that the familiarity and immediate love you felt for that little girl could all be a figment of your imagination or your mind playing tricks on you.

"I'm not. She's not yours."

"Oh, really? Than whose is she?" you challenge her.

At that exact moment, you hear the front door slam shut.

"Jenn-Jenn," hollers a voice that sounds way too familiar. Not five seconds later, you hear Jennifer's footsteps as she runs down the stairs and yells "Daddy!" in a voice full of love and adoration.

Thirty seconds after that, you see none other than Ryder Daniels, your once-best friend, standing on the doorway to Jade's kitchen, Jennifer wrapped in his arms. His blue eyes meet yours as the surprise of your appearance runs through him. You hear more than see as Jade pushes her back off the wall, stopping only to whisper "she's his," as she passes by you and makes her way towards them. Ryder turns to look at her, and she presses a kiss to his cheek before returning her attention to you, a smirk firmly in place as he grabs onto her hand.

For the first time, you feel your heart truly break.

Really, you should've remembered no one hurts Jade West, and gets away with it.

-.-.-.-.-

**AN: So, how's that for a cliché? **

**Anyways, I didn't want to do the whole story like every other Bade story out there. I have plots for this one, and I'm not gonna make things easy for Beck. Omg. I feel like a troll.**

**Speaking of which, that Bade video Dan tweeted last night. Epic. My Bade feels are going crazy! And, this whole week was such a fangirl one that I don't know what to do with myself. Lmao **

**Moving on, tell me what you think? Did you guys think it was his? What do you think's gonna happen now? Do you feel bad for Beck?**

**Review and let me know!**

**Next chapter up at the 58ish mark. If you guys get me there, I'll upload by Sunday night! Even if I don't get to sleep! **

**-Lele**


	5. Chapter 5

"_**It's so hard to believe in you. I'm not quite clear what I should do. And now I know that you're the only one, but do they know that you're the only one?" **__Things You Say__** – Acceptance **_

-.-.-.-.-

This has to be a dream.

It's the only logical explanation your tired mind can conceived.

Yet, it's not.

You knew there was a chance he'd be attending Joe's wedding. He's his brother and you knew his mother had been pushing for him to return home for it. Still, you'd hoped against hope that he'd stay away. It's not that still love him, those feeling are long gone, but the fact that Beck Oliver is the only person who has always been able to shake you up.

You like your life. It's stable and secure, nothing like the mess it was when you were sixteen and felt you couldn't live without him. You still remember those days, and you vowed you'd never allow yourself to go back to that place. A place so dark, so desperate, that you'd honestly believed you wouldn't survive. A time in which all you wanted to do was stay in your room, listening to depressing love songs that reminded you of him and waiting for him to come back. For months, you ignored the looks full of pity everyone gave you. Your friends, family, everyone. They knew. Knew he'd never come back.

But they didn't know him, not really. Not the way you did. They couldn't understand why you kept waiting for him. They didn't know how much you loved each other; how he'd promised you he would return.

He never did.

Time passed by, and there were no signs of his return. So when you noticed the small white and orange moving truck parked in front of the Oliver home around Christmas, you knew he was definitely gone. That day, you ran home and raided your mother's liquor cabinet, grabbing everything you could carry and throwing them into your Gears of War bag before quickly searching for the only person who could possibly understand how you felt.

Beck, Danny and Ryder had been like brothers; family. When Ryder's parents passed away, you were the only family he had left. Beck's parents had taken him in until he turned eighteen, when he'd decided he wanted to learn how to be independent and fend for himself. Once Beck left, Ryder lost one of the few people he truly cared about. He knew what it meant, how much it hurt, in a way nobody else could. When you showed up at his door, covered in snow and clutching your liquor-filled bag to your chest, he didn't question you.

He'd stepped aside and invited you in. You noticed the way his brilliant, blue eyes were riddled with sadness, an emptiness that was mirrored in yours. His dark hair was in a desperate need of a trim and his apartment lacked the usual hygiene you'd all teased him for. You didn't care. All you wanted was to lose yourself in the pretty liquid that promised you a mindless nirvana. By the looks of it, so did he. You took turns drinking from the first one that your fingers could reach, and kept doing so until you lost all tracks of time.

After the third bottle was finished, he'd confessed he loved you, had always loved you. He'd called you beautiful, and swore he would have never left you. By the time the fourth bottle emptied, you believed him.

Sometime after that, he'd kissed you; made you feel loved and wanted in a way your heart ached to be. It made you feel like maybe Beck didn't leave because of you, because you weren't good enough for him to stay. So when he pressed for more, you didn't stop him.

You both knew it was wrong, yet neither of you could stop.

Neither of you wanted to.

For the first time in months, you didn't feel alone. You felt like there was somebody who could help you through it, someone who could understand you. Someone who could love you.

Someone who already did.

It gave you hope that you'd be okay again. It was you saying goodbye to the boy who broke your heart, and maybe hello to the one who would fix it. It was you moving on.

Even if you saw _his_ face in your dreams when you fell asleep that night.

Six weeks after that you're sitting on the cold bathroom floor, hands trembling, as you wait the eternal five minutes it takes for the little stick to turn pink.

Against all popular opinion, Ryder didn't leave you alone when you told him you were pregnant. In fact, he did exactly the opposite; even after you told him the night you spent together had been a mistake. He stayed, and refused to take every out you offered him. He went to every appointment, disposed himself to your every beck and call, and stood by you every time a new wave of gossip or judgment-filled looks blew your way. He was everything you could possibly ever want and need, yet, couldn't be what you wanted at the same time.

You remember when you found out you were having a little girl and the way he'd nervously fidgeted with the edge of leather jacket and scratched the back of his neck as he shyly asked you if you'd be willing to name her Marie, after his mother.

Nothing compared to the bliss you felt when she was born, healthy and beautiful, with slightly tanned skin and wide, rosy cheeks. The way your heart swelled up with so much love you hadn't even been aware you were capable of feeling when her tiny fingers reached up to touch your face, as if verifying to you that she knew you were her mommy. It was as if this tiny being was letting you know that things were gonna be okay, and that she loved you. The look of complete happiness and pride that had filled Ryder's eyes when he first carried her and her wide, blue eyes had stared up at his in curiosity as she cooed her approval while you looked at them from your laying position on the hospital bed.

Nothing could rival the joy that you'd felt at that moment, except perhaps the guilt that ran through you when a voice in the back of your mind whispered that it should have been Beck instead of Ryder carrying your baby girl.

Months and years passed by, bringing winters and wisdom you never knew you could reach. You stopped being a scared teen mom and learned to become a real one, the kind of mother your daughter deserved. You put away long-lost loves and refused to take on a new one, even if it was Ryder, and even if he was your baby's father. Your conscious wouldn't let you lead him on, even if it would be ridiculously simple to give in and pretend to be a family with him. You couldn't do that to him, to her, knowing in your heart that you didn't truly love him. He deserved better. You all did.

It wasn't until the past year that you'd started entertaining the idea of being something more with him. You were almost twenty one and finally ready to give your heart another chance to be happy, to share all the feelings you'd locked away in the deepest part of your heart when you were sixteen and in a desperate need to grow up quickly. You went out on dates with Ryder while Danny watched Jennifer for you, and when he kissed you, you felt a breeze run through you and an ease that whispered to you that he could be the one.

It could be perfect, but now Beck was back.

Beck, with his huge ego; throwing accusations and demanding answers. Beck: with his arrogance and presumptions. Beck: with his soulful brown eyes and handsome face; winning over your daughter in a matter of minutes.

You wanted him gone.

So you aimed for the heart.

You played the one card you knew would hurt him the most. His never-ending need and desperate desire for a family he'd confided in you years before. He thought he'd finally gotten one, and you snatched it away from him while adding in the sting of losing the silent competition he and Ryder had always had. Maybe you didn't mean anything to him, but you knew his ego would be hurt by it.

You wanted to hurt him and you wanted to give yourself the satisfaction of letting him know that you didn't need him to move on, to live your life.

"Daddy, were you friends with Beck, too?"

Jennifer's voice breaks through your thoughts and you notice the bewildered look Beck can't seem to wipe off his face. You know him well enough to know he's angry, anybody could tell that, but it's something more. Underneath his anger, there's hurt, the one you've looking for. Over what, you're not sure, but it's there and you have to shake off the crawling sensation running up your spine that wants you to leave Ryder's side and go offer him comfort.

God, it's like you're sixteen all over again.

Except, you're not.

"Yeah, baby. We all used to be good friends," Ryder answers her in a soft tone before directing his gaze back to your unwelcomed guest. "I think he has to leave now," he subtly advices, and you both know he's politely telling him to get the hell out.

"Yeah, I have to go now," Beck concedes as he pushes his back off the wall he was leaning against and makes his way towards you. "Jade, would you mind walking me to the door?" he asks, and as much as you want to deny his wish, you know doing so would only cause your current dilemma to escalate.

So you walk him to door with Ryder's gaze firmly set on you and you can hear Jennifer wishing him goodbye from her place in his arms. You stop in front of the door and your breath catches in your throat when Beck wraps his arms around you in a possessive gesture he long ago lost the right to make. It's not that what catches you off guard though, but the shock that runs through you when he lowers his head next to yours and whispers, "nice way to love me forever" in your ear as he turns around and walks away.

This is the Beck Oliver only you knew. The one who'd hurt you just as much as you hurt him. The one who's carefully calculated words could cut you straight to the core.

The one you'd loved nevertheless.

The one who, in that moment, you swore you'd never love again.

-.-.-.-.-

**AN: So, I have a dozen reasons as to why I hadn't updated, but I won't bore you with all of them.**

**However, thank you so much for all your amazing reviews on the last chapter! They made me so, very happy =D**

**Okay. So, tell me what you think of this chapter? Did you like? A lot of people asked me to write in Jade's POV but I had to explain why certain things happened in order for the story to make any sense lol **

**Seriously, how many of you thought it was a secret Bade baby? (Even if it was so incredibly hard to confirm 100% it's Ryder's. My Bade shipping heart mourned.)**

**P.S. Idk how many of you follow me on twitter, but if you do, then you know I see the cast sometimes. I'm planning a new project for Matt and if you'd like to participate you can follow us on MattBupdates for info. **

**Next Chapter at the 90ish mark.**

**End of public announcement.**

**-Lele**


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